I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just pynch a tree in the face
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
