The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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