i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
