Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
