my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Can you bring me the toilet please
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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