i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He better not be in your backpack
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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