I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
