dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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