Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
