Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
