yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
