I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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