She's JV to your varsity
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
