There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize