there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize