I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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