Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
