Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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