it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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