I just saw a hot homeless man
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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