Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
