Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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