do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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