..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
