you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
