Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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