I'd wear matching sweaters with you
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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