I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
