I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
