Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
