NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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