she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
