That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize