I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
