I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
