Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
