Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
