Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
