True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
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And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
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I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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