I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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