Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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