...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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