with your own penis?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
