Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
