Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
