Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
