There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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