dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
