Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
