i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
