worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
