Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
