i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
