Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
