That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
