sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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