did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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