wrigley field is MILF paradise
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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