Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize