and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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