Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
