let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
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I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
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Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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