your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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