I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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