i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
