is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
