Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
