He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
where am i from again
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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